Lasse Niskala

A NEW LIFE

One morning I woke up with the following words in my mind: "I

can´t carry on anymore, God. Are you there?  I want a new life."

 

STARTED TO MISUSE ALCOHOL AND TO PARTY

I came from a Christian home as both of my parents were believers and I had

grown up around the church all my life. When I turned 14 I decided to make

a personal commitment to Christ and during that summer I was baptized.

 

I was timid to show my faith in school and around my classmates but

nonetheless everything went fine and I didn’t run into any hassles until I

began vocational school. During this time I never confessed my faith in

Christ and in the process I wound up trying to fit in with my peers,

drinking and partying, up until graduation. After the graduation I repented and got

back to live for God again. We had a solid youth group in our church and everyone was into heavy

Christian rock. We were labelled the "heavy gang" due to our appearance.

In a sense we were pioneers and we got noticed. Even though a lot of older

believers looked down on us for our musical inclinations there were some

that understood where we were coming from. I fell in love with a girl from our "heavy gang" and we got married after

dating for a couple of years. Two years into marriage my wife decided to go

study in another area of the country and soon thereafter I moved too. Then out of

the blue to my complete and utter surprise, my wife informed me that she

wanted some space of her own and sought out a separation as on the side she

was having extra-marital affairs. She was hell-bent on doing her own thing

and so we were divorced, even though I would’ve wanted to work things out.

I drowned my sorrows in the mass amount of work that I had at the time and

during this time I was fortunate to have a few good friends who stuck by me

through it all. I had been practicing nature photography as a hobby and I

had invested a lot of money into this hobby. I was finally offered the

advertising photographer position at my workplace and so it became my bread

and butter, so to speak.

 

I SLEPT IN A SLEEPING BAG IN MY OFFICE

After few years however I found myself swamped with deadlines and workloads

which ultimately wore me out. There were times that I slept in a sleeping

bag on the floor of my office only to catch a couple of hours of shut-eye

before picking up where I had left off. I began hoping I’d get sick so I

could be afforded a period of rest from the grind of it all. I became so

desperate that I purposely tried to incapacitate myself on a few occasions

in order to justify a leave of absence. All of my hopes and attempts proved

futile however and I was left to face the same old, hopeless situation day

in and day out. Finally I began to suffer from poor memory and

overexhaustion and everything became a haze, which negatively affected my

job. After contacting a doctor I was written up for psychiatric care and 6

months sick leave in addition.

 

 

STARTED TO HAVE SUICIDE THOUGHTS

I became suicidally depressed during this time due to my situation and I

tried overdosing on my medication several times over this period without

success. After ingesting a stash of downers that I had been saving up one

of my friends rushed me to the emergency ward at the local hospital only to

have them flush my system of the drugs. I was consequently locked down in

the crisis ward of the hospital for 2 months until I made an escape

unbeknowst to others. I had determined to commit suicide that day and I

drove out to the countryside to carry out the deed. I duct taped the

windows of my car and led a hose into the closed compartment from the car’s

tailpipe which should have proved a sure-fire trick to put me away. I

floored the gas for a long time and to my dismay nothing happened, after

which I returned to the hospital a total wreck, having lost the will to

live.

After being released from the hospital I tried increasingly desperate

attempts at overdosing with various medications, figuring that it would be

the most painless way to go. During these times of attempted suicide I later

found out that my mother had been praying for me in earnest to regain my will

to live at those very moments along with her Christian sisters, my aunts.

 

I SURVIVED A CAR CRASH

After seeing my sister one night I tried to kill myself in a head-on

collision with a wall in which I totalled my car and miraculously survived

with only my head’s imprint in the shattered windshield to my credit.

Someone called an ambulance and I woke up with scars, bruises and damaged

knees but I still hadn’t managed to end up dead. That was the first time

that it occurred to me that there had to be a purpose to my life after all.

I had started dating the girl who drove me around while my knees

were mashed up from my collision. However, I was too depressed to invest in

the relationship and care. Nonetheless the doctors determined that getting

back in the job life would be good for me and so I ended up working in the

warehouse of the same company that I had been an advertising photographer

for. One night when my girlfriend was out I ground up 200 pills

of medication and dissolved them in some juice. I wrote a farewell note,

drank down the powdered juice and laid down for a bit. All I remember

before falling unconscious was a very scary black shape standing next to me.

 

STARTED PSYCHOTERAPEUTIC TREATMENT

I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks after which I decided to begin

psychotherapy. My girlfriend and I broke up and I ended up living by myself

once again. I met a couple of good Christian friends with whom I talked

about spiritual issues, having become disillusioned with my self-destructive

thoughts. One morning I woke up with the following words in my mind: "I

can´t carry on anymore, God. Are you there? I want a new life."

These were the lyrics from one of Finland´s top Christian metal music

artists Terapia and they painted a perfect picture of where I was at. As I

prayed it felt as though I was talking to the walls because I felt nothing

and it had been along time since I had communicated with God. I found the

will to live and seek out God however and during this time I was introduced

to The Christian Underground (TCU), an organization that catered to the rock

and roll crowd and those who had fallen by the wayside. I attended a TCU

summer retreat during which I met Päivi Niemi and Antti from Terapia along

with a host of others, some who became friends. An older missionary prayed

for me in English during the last meeting of the evening at that summer camp

and after that night I felt that the load which I had been carrying all of

that time had been lifted off of my shoulders.

 

I HAD BEEN SEARCHING FOR GOD

As I drove home the next day I marvelled at how I hadn’t felt so good in

ages. Everything around me seemed beautiful and clear. I had been

searching for God for about a year at that point and it was then that I felt

that I had found Him again. I had read the Scripture that said "Seek ye

first the Kingdom of God and thus all these things shall be added unto you". (Matthew 6:33)

I had done just that.

My two-year psychotherapy period was nearing its end and my therapist

received the news of me finding God very well. All of my old pain had

dissipated and I felt free. I had been staying in touch with Päivi Niemi

and we found that we had a lot in common and we got along well together.

When Päivi had her summer vacation I went to see her during which we fell in

love and started dating. This was the last drop of healing elixir that

cleansed the final remnants of the past from my soul and I was truly happy.

Päivi and I were married after which I bought a Christian record retail

business from a mutual friend, allowing me to quit my job at the time to

focus on my new business, which I was truly excited about, since I now

specialized in Christian heavy music which I knew a good deal about. So in

addition to finding God, I found a great wife, a good business and

everything else that I needed.

One night as my wife and I were discussing our past lives, Päivi mentioned

that a certain Scripture came to her mind. It was the same verse that the

missionary fellow who prayed for me at that TCU summer camp had mentioned as

he prayed over me in English that particular night,

 

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it

springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and

streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:18-19)

 

That exact Scripture has come to fruition in my life. Everything is

possible with God.

 

Lasse Niskala 

Ken Tamplin

TRUE INSPIRATION

 

The Bible is my only "true" inspiration. It is as relevant today as it ever was.

For songwriters, the poetry in the Psalms and Proverbs are unequaled. The

wisdom for life application is unprecedented.

I try to read my Bible everyday as a compass for my life. It is way too easy to get thrown off course in a world bent on brainwashing my mind with absolute garbage and desensitizing me to truth. I know that when I feel overwhelmed, troubled, lonely, empty, confused or uninspired, the greatest weapon I have against these things are the Holy scriptures.

 

Ken Tamplin

Karl Walfridsson

MY FAITH IS MY INSPIRATION

 

I have grown up in a Christian home and have always had a faith in God. But there comes a time when you have to test your faith and your opinions, a time when you choose YOUR faith. Ever since I began to seek deeper in faith it has gone hand in hand with music.

I remember sitting in my bed in my small tight boyroom with a gigantic family bible in front of me and read through book after book in the Old Testament accompanied by the thunder from Vengeance Rising/Released Upon The Earth. I went long walks for prayer and reflection with death metal hymns on my lips. ”I see what you’ve done. I’ll tell everyone, you are the Bishop of souls…”

 

CHRIST IS THE CENTER OF OUR MESSAGE

Christian faith and metal will always be intimately interlaced for me. Now I sing and write most of the lyrics in a band called Pantokrator. Christ is in center of our message. Not because we imagine that you can’t write different kinds of lyrics when you are a Christian, but simply because the faith and the Bible’s inexhaustible deep is the biggest inspiration sources for my creative work whether I write or paint.

It was through the faith and music that I had the grace to meet the big love, my beloved wife and through her received the fruit of our love, our two sons.

I believe in God Father almighty, the creator of heaven and earth, I also believe in Jesus Christ, His only begotten Son my Lord…”

I wish you all the peace of God

/ Karl Walfridsson (PANTOKRATOR)

John Schlitt eng

“I SAW SUICIDE AS MY ONLY WAY OUT!”

 

The band was successful and I was the star. But then I was thrown out. It was just too much of drugs and alcohol. The band was my whole life. Our records sold well and we toured all over America. But life on the road paid its tribute: quarrels, drugs and Rock’n’Roll. I wanted to be a big rock star but the band’s keyboard player and I constantly got into fights.

It was a power struggle where I that was on cocaine sank even lower into the drug misery. A formulation in the contract settled the matter. He had a little more power than me. He used it and threw me out of the band. I was totally finished. The band was my whole life. Certainly, I had a wife and two kids that loved me, but I didn’t care about my family. The band was what I was living for. It was everything to me. I now fell heavy and deep. During the next six months I drank a whole lot and pumped myself with alcohol, cocaine and other drugs. My wife that at that time had become a Christian told me much about Jesus. But all I wanted was to become an acknowledged rock star. I hated myself and became more and more depressed. My wife on the other hand was like floating around on clouds and always walking around singing Halleluja songs.

 

SUICIDE – THE BEST SOLUTION?

A less nice Summer evening, or rather night, I came home drunk as a skunk. “In that condition you mustn’t sleep in bed beside me!” my wife hurled at me. With a heavy hangover and my clothes in a mess I woke up on the sofa. My youngest son stood beside me and looked at my face. “Dad, what actually is wrong with you?”, he asked. The question hit me as a punch in my face. I was totally finished. “It is not Jesus, but suicide that is the best solution for me”, I thought.

 

THE KIND MAN FROM THE BIBLE

My wife reminded me of a promise I had given her. “Now we have to go to a counseler, cause that is what you have promised me!” she said. I was long in the face of surprise and couldn’t remind me of ever giving a promise like that. But my wife did. Resolutely she took me to the counseler, I that now most looked like a stinking drunkard. At that time I had totally given up. But when I was there, I for the first time listened to what was really being said in a spiritual conversation. I had always believed in God and Jesus was to me a kind guy in the Bible. But something totally unexpected happened. Holy Spirit just fell over me and I had a powerful meeting with God. Suddenly I began to understand the Bible. That night I became a Christian and I felt how all the burdens I had carried just was lifted off. Totally undescribable!”

 

JESUS IS JUST A PRAYER AWAY

The enemy wants to destroy for us. But we all carry the representation of God inside us. We mustn’t destroy what God has created and given us, our lives that is. Cause he do has a plan for us.

God’s way is not always easy. It is narrow, but it is the only right way to go. The way of the enemy is wide, but those that walk on it will sooner or later fall and die. It was quite close for me. But Jesus has completely changed my life. Everyone has the right to hear about Jesus. He has done so much for mankind. And that’s why we mustn’t throw our lives away and sabotage God’s Plan for us. Jesus is just a prayer away.

 

Jeff eng

DELIVERANCE FROM SATANISM

 

I was not a traditional Satanist but chose the parts that worked for me. In other words, if it worked, I used it. I started out basically a philosophical Satanist; LaVeyan Satanism. But, I found out that there was a 'power' or demons were available, thus I began to pursue traditional Satanism, while holding on to what worked from LaVey; his self-centered philosophies.
I ended up being possessed by demons because I gave myself over to them in exchange for their 'power'. After receiving Jesus Christ, I was delivered from the demons. Here is my testimony........

I WAS DEEPLY MISERABLE…

After four years in Satanism, I was miserable. I had seen everything that Satan had to offer, and still I was miserable. I decided that the only thing left to do, as a "respectable Satanist," was to kill myself. But before I even checked into the motel, I knew that something or someone might cause me to lose my nerve. For company and courage, I took along a bottle of whiskey and a bag of marijuana. I put the rifle to my head but somehow I could not pull the trigger. I knew that the rifle worked, but I just could not pull the trigger. Disgusted with myself, I tried again the next night. On a September night in 1981, I tried to hang myself. I put the rope over a rafter in the garage, and kicked the chair out from under me. I landed on the floor with the rope still tied to the rafter. "What a failure," I thought, " I can't even kill myself."

MY FATHER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC…

The story of my involvement in Satanism is so classic that it's almost cliché. I was a lonely young man from a dysfunctional family. My father was an alcoholic. Things at home got worse until finally, my parents divorced. I was looking for a place to belong. I was looking for people who would pay attention to me and give me acceptance. I was looking for love, but I was caught in the middle of a violent house that left me feeling hopeless and frightened. In response, I started looking to the supernatural for courage and for some mystic power over my early existence. I was ripe for such an experience, and for a long time I had been interested in magic and other aspect of the paranormal. Even as a young boy, I knew that there was a spirit realm, and that there had to be a way to tap into it.

I GAVE MY LIFE TO SATAN…
My first contact with Satanism came in 1978 when a snowstorm took my hometown by surprise. I was a 17 year old high school senior, and was working in a local store during the storm. I was just beginning to wonder how I would get home that night, when the store's assistant manager, a young man of just 18, invited me to stay at his apartment, just a short walk away. This young man seemed to have everything that I had ever wanted. Prestige, power, he gave every indication that he was in control of his life and acted much older than his 18 years. That night, he told me the source of his strength. I was fascinated. He showed me the magic notions and occult objects, which he had accumulated. I was convinced. Later that night, we performed a ceremony, where I gave my life to Satan.

I WANTED TO BE FREE…
After I graduated from high school, my "teacher" and I moved away to attend college. The two of us attempted to begin our own satanic coven. Our coven was to consist of thirteen disciples but we were only able to recruit six, all of them males. The six of us shared a house, where we conducted what I call "freelance" satanic rituals, creating and improvising ceremonies freely. Coven activities included casting spells and desecrating Bibles and any other Christian articles that we could get our hands on. During this time I was in contact with demons on a regular basis, though not with Satan himself. Demons were powerful underlings, that were at my beckon call...or so I thought. Eventually the frightening and distasteful parts of Satanism overshadowed the thrilling parts. I began to worry about where the coven might be headed. I knew that I could not participate in the next step, blood sacrifice. I knew that this were the line that not even I would not cross. I wanted out.

JESUS MAKES MY LIFE COMPLETE…
I thought at the time, that the only thing left to do was to kill myself. To my dismay, I failed. I know now that only Divine intervention could have saved me from both the gun and the noose. After returning home, I tried to drink myself into oblivion, but found that the taste of beer turned my stomach. So instead, I lit a cigarette to calm my nerves, but it burned my lips! So finally, I, the Satanist priest in the making, went to my room, lay in my bed and began to cry. I will never in my life forget what happened next. It was late at night. The rest of the coven was out partying so the house was empty. Out of the silence I heard a voice from beside my bed that said "Get out!" I stopped crying and looked around the room expecting the presence of a demon. This was no demon. The voice moved to the foot of my bed and said again. "Get out!" I remember being so shaken at the command that I immediately obeyed. I crawled out of the nearest window in my bedroom and onto the driveway, into the presence of God. My knees went weak and I fell on my face, there was no mistaking who this was. Looking up at the sky I pleaded, "Jesus, just make my life okay."

REFUGE MINISTRIES…
I have come a long way from those days when I was trapped in Satanism. I still believe in a spiritual reality. I believe in both demons and angels, evil and good. I have simply traded darkness for light. The Lord Jesus Christ has helped me through complete recovery. I have been married now for 18 years. My wife Liz and I live in South Carolina, USA. With God's help I have earned a M.A. in Pastoral counseling and have launched Refuge Ministries. Together, we instruct others about the dangers of the Occult, New Age beliefs and other false teachings. We don't just work with former Satanists; I know how it feels to be a lonely and confused person, driven to despair. We are here for who ever the Lord would send.
My testimony does not represent LaVeyan or Traditional Satanism. I chose the parts that suited me and styled my own Satanism.

 

JEFF HARSHBARGER

Jani Stefanovic

From the valley of death to life

Jani Stefanovic (Divinefire, Eternium, Essence of Sorrow)

 

I grew up in a deeply religious family and I think I kept the faith I had with me from home far up into my teenage years. I started to play in my first band when I was 13 years old and when I was around 16 I started to play with some guys from the church I belonged to. Gradually problems arose, for at the same time as I was still frequently going to church I started to become more and more interested in what my nonsaved friends were doing.

In the end it was so bad that I could go right from a meeting to a party to get drunk. Finally I had turned my back to the church and here began my wandering far down into the valley of shadows.

 

A ROCKSTAR AT ANY PRICE

Music was everything in my life and I wanted to be famous as some of my friends had been. I wanted to do everything that they did, go away on long tours and just party and have fun. I was in different bands and to a degree I started to live this wonderful life. I wanted to become a rockstar at any price.

My mother always reminded me with even intervals by saying ”please, don’t give away the talent God has given you, don’t give it to the enemy” This made me just as angry every time although I knew deep inside that it was true, but I just continued my wandering. ”As long as you play to the Devil’s glory instead of God’s glory you will never be blessed, God gave you this talent to praise him.” These were straightforward and harsh words from my mother, words that made me bitter against her faith and God.

 

SOMETHING WAS MISSING

I had lived in Finland since 1993 but 2001 it was time to move back to Sweden. I soon found my next band, here things were really moving. I practised like a maniac and then it was time to go away on a long tour. Now finally I would be able to go out and live the rock star life full on.

After the tour and after playing in town after town and country after country I just felt completely empty when I came home. Why did it felt like I had just done something completely meaningless? I didn’t knew why, this was just the start of the wonderful life I had been striving for.

The tour was behind us, a new album and a new contract was on the way with one of the biggest companies in the world. Still there was something that was missing. I had once again a talk with my mom about this and I asked myself why I wasn’t happy and satisfied, this was just all that I ever had wanted to have. Then I once again got the same straightforward and harsh words ”this is not what God has planned for you, your gift is in the music but it isn’t meant to serve any other than God.”

 

GOD ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT IS BEST

For the first time in several years I thought that maybe it is like that, but I just couldn’t leave the band, since this was the best band I had ever been in. Not long after this the band split because the founder started to play with a worldknown band. Without band again, I started to think, what to do now? Some time passed, but more and more I felt that I maybe should start up a band with a christian message. No, I immediately thought, ”christian= no fat contract, no success” I fought against this all I could. I didn’t wanted to play in a wimpy christian band.

Today I play in three christian bands and I have never felt this good before. This is how good it can go when you follow the Lord’s will and not your own will. God always knows what is best for us. Concretely I really found out that without his grace and love we are nothing.

 

JESUS CHANGED MY LIFE

This wonderful change happened when I confessed my sins and wanted to start over with Jesus.

He changed my life. The old longing to be a rock star is now gone. Now I’m out playing metal to the glory of God and not to my own glory. My valley down through the valley of death took me around eight years and I thank God that he got hold of my life. There is no better than living a life together with God. I really want to encourage everyone to really prioritise their relationship with God, that relation is worth more than gold, trust me.

 

THE BIBLE IS MY INSPIRATION

The prayer and God’s Word (The Bible) are the real foundations of my christian life. Through prayer and The Word I get strength and guidance.

In the Bible the Revelation is definately an absolute favourite. It’s a little mystic and from it I have got much inspiration to lyrics. It’s a little metal over it. The Gospels and the Psalms are also good.

 

God’s blessing

Jani Stefanovic

(Divinefire, Eternium, Essence of Sorrow)

 

Herbie Langhans

The best that has happened to me!

 

I grow up in a Christian family and since I was a child I have been going to church. When I was a teenager I gave my Life to Jesus. Now I have been a Christian for more than 14 years and I must to say that it's the

best that has happened to me. Jesus helped me so many times in my life.

 

And often He showed me the ways I must go, and when I didn't know what to do He showed me. In our band history we were sometimes on that line that we didn't know what the plan with this band was. Should we go on or should we stop the band, but then there happened so many good things in our band that we thought that God didn't want us to stop the band. One of the best things in our band history is that through all the years there are several band members who have found the way to Jesus: our first drummer, one of our first guitarists, our bass player, our guitarist (Flo), they all found the way to Jesus. And that is one important thing in our history.

 

Now we have started with a band meeting (bible study for the band members with their wives) to grow also in our faith and not only in the music. We pray all the time before we start with our music practice, and also when we go on stage, we put everything in God's hands, and with his help we will go on the next 20 years. Because it's so wonderful when you see people which become Christians because they hear our music and listen to our lyrics. One day we will have a big party in heaven, and we will do our best with God's help to invite a lot of people to this party. I just want to say give your life to Jesus and then He will really: Rock your Life!

 

Herbie Langhans (Seventh Avenue)