Lasse Niskala

A NEW LIFE

One morning I woke up with the following words in my mind: "I

can´t carry on anymore, God. Are you there?  I want a new life."

 

STARTED TO MISUSE ALCOHOL AND TO PARTY

I came from a Christian home as both of my parents were believers and I had

grown up around the church all my life. When I turned 14 I decided to make

a personal commitment to Christ and during that summer I was baptized.

 

I was timid to show my faith in school and around my classmates but

nonetheless everything went fine and I didn’t run into any hassles until I

began vocational school. During this time I never confessed my faith in

Christ and in the process I wound up trying to fit in with my peers,

drinking and partying, up until graduation. After the graduation I repented and got

back to live for God again. We had a solid youth group in our church and everyone was into heavy

Christian rock. We were labelled the "heavy gang" due to our appearance.

In a sense we were pioneers and we got noticed. Even though a lot of older

believers looked down on us for our musical inclinations there were some

that understood where we were coming from. I fell in love with a girl from our "heavy gang" and we got married after

dating for a couple of years. Two years into marriage my wife decided to go

study in another area of the country and soon thereafter I moved too. Then out of

the blue to my complete and utter surprise, my wife informed me that she

wanted some space of her own and sought out a separation as on the side she

was having extra-marital affairs. She was hell-bent on doing her own thing

and so we were divorced, even though I would’ve wanted to work things out.

I drowned my sorrows in the mass amount of work that I had at the time and

during this time I was fortunate to have a few good friends who stuck by me

through it all. I had been practicing nature photography as a hobby and I

had invested a lot of money into this hobby. I was finally offered the

advertising photographer position at my workplace and so it became my bread

and butter, so to speak.

 

I SLEPT IN A SLEEPING BAG IN MY OFFICE

After few years however I found myself swamped with deadlines and workloads

which ultimately wore me out. There were times that I slept in a sleeping

bag on the floor of my office only to catch a couple of hours of shut-eye

before picking up where I had left off. I began hoping I’d get sick so I

could be afforded a period of rest from the grind of it all. I became so

desperate that I purposely tried to incapacitate myself on a few occasions

in order to justify a leave of absence. All of my hopes and attempts proved

futile however and I was left to face the same old, hopeless situation day

in and day out. Finally I began to suffer from poor memory and

overexhaustion and everything became a haze, which negatively affected my

job. After contacting a doctor I was written up for psychiatric care and 6

months sick leave in addition.

 

 

STARTED TO HAVE SUICIDE THOUGHTS

I became suicidally depressed during this time due to my situation and I

tried overdosing on my medication several times over this period without

success. After ingesting a stash of downers that I had been saving up one

of my friends rushed me to the emergency ward at the local hospital only to

have them flush my system of the drugs. I was consequently locked down in

the crisis ward of the hospital for 2 months until I made an escape

unbeknowst to others. I had determined to commit suicide that day and I

drove out to the countryside to carry out the deed. I duct taped the

windows of my car and led a hose into the closed compartment from the car’s

tailpipe which should have proved a sure-fire trick to put me away. I

floored the gas for a long time and to my dismay nothing happened, after

which I returned to the hospital a total wreck, having lost the will to

live.

After being released from the hospital I tried increasingly desperate

attempts at overdosing with various medications, figuring that it would be

the most painless way to go. During these times of attempted suicide I later

found out that my mother had been praying for me in earnest to regain my will

to live at those very moments along with her Christian sisters, my aunts.

 

I SURVIVED A CAR CRASH

After seeing my sister one night I tried to kill myself in a head-on

collision with a wall in which I totalled my car and miraculously survived

with only my head’s imprint in the shattered windshield to my credit.

Someone called an ambulance and I woke up with scars, bruises and damaged

knees but I still hadn’t managed to end up dead. That was the first time

that it occurred to me that there had to be a purpose to my life after all.

I had started dating the girl who drove me around while my knees

were mashed up from my collision. However, I was too depressed to invest in

the relationship and care. Nonetheless the doctors determined that getting

back in the job life would be good for me and so I ended up working in the

warehouse of the same company that I had been an advertising photographer

for. One night when my girlfriend was out I ground up 200 pills

of medication and dissolved them in some juice. I wrote a farewell note,

drank down the powdered juice and laid down for a bit. All I remember

before falling unconscious was a very scary black shape standing next to me.

 

STARTED PSYCHOTERAPEUTIC TREATMENT

I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks after which I decided to begin

psychotherapy. My girlfriend and I broke up and I ended up living by myself

once again. I met a couple of good Christian friends with whom I talked

about spiritual issues, having become disillusioned with my self-destructive

thoughts. One morning I woke up with the following words in my mind: "I

can´t carry on anymore, God. Are you there? I want a new life."

These were the lyrics from one of Finland´s top Christian metal music

artists Terapia and they painted a perfect picture of where I was at. As I

prayed it felt as though I was talking to the walls because I felt nothing

and it had been along time since I had communicated with God. I found the

will to live and seek out God however and during this time I was introduced

to The Christian Underground (TCU), an organization that catered to the rock

and roll crowd and those who had fallen by the wayside. I attended a TCU

summer retreat during which I met Päivi Niemi and Antti from Terapia along

with a host of others, some who became friends. An older missionary prayed

for me in English during the last meeting of the evening at that summer camp

and after that night I felt that the load which I had been carrying all of

that time had been lifted off of my shoulders.

 

I HAD BEEN SEARCHING FOR GOD

As I drove home the next day I marvelled at how I hadn’t felt so good in

ages. Everything around me seemed beautiful and clear. I had been

searching for God for about a year at that point and it was then that I felt

that I had found Him again. I had read the Scripture that said "Seek ye

first the Kingdom of God and thus all these things shall be added unto you". (Matthew 6:33)

I had done just that.

My two-year psychotherapy period was nearing its end and my therapist

received the news of me finding God very well. All of my old pain had

dissipated and I felt free. I had been staying in touch with Päivi Niemi

and we found that we had a lot in common and we got along well together.

When Päivi had her summer vacation I went to see her during which we fell in

love and started dating. This was the last drop of healing elixir that

cleansed the final remnants of the past from my soul and I was truly happy.

Päivi and I were married after which I bought a Christian record retail

business from a mutual friend, allowing me to quit my job at the time to

focus on my new business, which I was truly excited about, since I now

specialized in Christian heavy music which I knew a good deal about. So in

addition to finding God, I found a great wife, a good business and

everything else that I needed.

One night as my wife and I were discussing our past lives, Päivi mentioned

that a certain Scripture came to her mind. It was the same verse that the

missionary fellow who prayed for me at that TCU summer camp had mentioned as

he prayed over me in English that particular night,

 

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it

springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and

streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:18-19)

 

That exact Scripture has come to fruition in my life. Everything is

possible with God.

 

Lasse Niskala 

Ken Tamplin

TRUE INSPIRATION

 

The Bible is my only "true" inspiration. It is as relevant today as it ever was.

For songwriters, the poetry in the Psalms and Proverbs are unequaled. The

wisdom for life application is unprecedented.

I try to read my Bible everyday as a compass for my life. It is way too easy to get thrown off course in a world bent on brainwashing my mind with absolute garbage and desensitizing me to truth. I know that when I feel overwhelmed, troubled, lonely, empty, confused or uninspired, the greatest weapon I have against these things are the Holy scriptures.

 

Ken Tamplin

Karl Walfridsson

MY FAITH IS MY INSPIRATION

 

I have grown up in a Christian home and have always had a faith in God. But there comes a time when you have to test your faith and your opinions, a time when you choose YOUR faith. Ever since I began to seek deeper in faith it has gone hand in hand with music.

I remember sitting in my bed in my small tight boyroom with a gigantic family bible in front of me and read through book after book in the Old Testament accompanied by the thunder from Vengeance Rising/Released Upon The Earth. I went long walks for prayer and reflection with death metal hymns on my lips. ”I see what you’ve done. I’ll tell everyone, you are the Bishop of souls…”

 

CHRIST IS THE CENTER OF OUR MESSAGE

Christian faith and metal will always be intimately interlaced for me. Now I sing and write most of the lyrics in a band called Pantokrator. Christ is in center of our message. Not because we imagine that you can’t write different kinds of lyrics when you are a Christian, but simply because the faith and the Bible’s inexhaustible deep is the biggest inspiration sources for my creative work whether I write or paint.

It was through the faith and music that I had the grace to meet the big love, my beloved wife and through her received the fruit of our love, our two sons.

I believe in God Father almighty, the creator of heaven and earth, I also believe in Jesus Christ, His only begotten Son my Lord…”

I wish you all the peace of God

/ Karl Walfridsson (PANTOKRATOR)

John Schlitt eng

“I SAW SUICIDE AS MY ONLY WAY OUT!”

 

The band was successful and I was the star. But then I was thrown out. It was just too much of drugs and alcohol. The band was my whole life. Our records sold well and we toured all over America. But life on the road paid its tribute: quarrels, drugs and Rock’n’Roll. I wanted to be a big rock star but the band’s keyboard player and I constantly got into fights.

It was a power struggle where I that was on cocaine sank even lower into the drug misery. A formulation in the contract settled the matter. He had a little more power than me. He used it and threw me out of the band. I was totally finished. The band was my whole life. Certainly, I had a wife and two kids that loved me, but I didn’t care about my family. The band was what I was living for. It was everything to me. I now fell heavy and deep. During the next six months I drank a whole lot and pumped myself with alcohol, cocaine and other drugs. My wife that at that time had become a Christian told me much about Jesus. But all I wanted was to become an acknowledged rock star. I hated myself and became more and more depressed. My wife on the other hand was like floating around on clouds and always walking around singing Halleluja songs.

 

SUICIDE – THE BEST SOLUTION?

A less nice Summer evening, or rather night, I came home drunk as a skunk. “In that condition you mustn’t sleep in bed beside me!” my wife hurled at me. With a heavy hangover and my clothes in a mess I woke up on the sofa. My youngest son stood beside me and looked at my face. “Dad, what actually is wrong with you?”, he asked. The question hit me as a punch in my face. I was totally finished. “It is not Jesus, but suicide that is the best solution for me”, I thought.

 

THE KIND MAN FROM THE BIBLE

My wife reminded me of a promise I had given her. “Now we have to go to a counseler, cause that is what you have promised me!” she said. I was long in the face of surprise and couldn’t remind me of ever giving a promise like that. But my wife did. Resolutely she took me to the counseler, I that now most looked like a stinking drunkard. At that time I had totally given up. But when I was there, I for the first time listened to what was really being said in a spiritual conversation. I had always believed in God and Jesus was to me a kind guy in the Bible. But something totally unexpected happened. Holy Spirit just fell over me and I had a powerful meeting with God. Suddenly I began to understand the Bible. That night I became a Christian and I felt how all the burdens I had carried just was lifted off. Totally undescribable!”

 

JESUS IS JUST A PRAYER AWAY

The enemy wants to destroy for us. But we all carry the representation of God inside us. We mustn’t destroy what God has created and given us, our lives that is. Cause he do has a plan for us.

God’s way is not always easy. It is narrow, but it is the only right way to go. The way of the enemy is wide, but those that walk on it will sooner or later fall and die. It was quite close for me. But Jesus has completely changed my life. Everyone has the right to hear about Jesus. He has done so much for mankind. And that’s why we mustn’t throw our lives away and sabotage God’s Plan for us. Jesus is just a prayer away.

 

Jeff eng

DELIVERANCE FROM SATANISM

 

I was not a traditional Satanist but chose the parts that worked for me. In other words, if it worked, I used it. I started out basically a philosophical Satanist; LaVeyan Satanism. But, I found out that there was a 'power' or demons were available, thus I began to pursue traditional Satanism, while holding on to what worked from LaVey; his self-centered philosophies.
I ended up being possessed by demons because I gave myself over to them in exchange for their 'power'. After receiving Jesus Christ, I was delivered from the demons. Here is my testimony........

I WAS DEEPLY MISERABLE…

After four years in Satanism, I was miserable. I had seen everything that Satan had to offer, and still I was miserable. I decided that the only thing left to do, as a "respectable Satanist," was to kill myself. But before I even checked into the motel, I knew that something or someone might cause me to lose my nerve. For company and courage, I took along a bottle of whiskey and a bag of marijuana. I put the rifle to my head but somehow I could not pull the trigger. I knew that the rifle worked, but I just could not pull the trigger. Disgusted with myself, I tried again the next night. On a September night in 1981, I tried to hang myself. I put the rope over a rafter in the garage, and kicked the chair out from under me. I landed on the floor with the rope still tied to the rafter. "What a failure," I thought, " I can't even kill myself."

MY FATHER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC…

The story of my involvement in Satanism is so classic that it's almost cliché. I was a lonely young man from a dysfunctional family. My father was an alcoholic. Things at home got worse until finally, my parents divorced. I was looking for a place to belong. I was looking for people who would pay attention to me and give me acceptance. I was looking for love, but I was caught in the middle of a violent house that left me feeling hopeless and frightened. In response, I started looking to the supernatural for courage and for some mystic power over my early existence. I was ripe for such an experience, and for a long time I had been interested in magic and other aspect of the paranormal. Even as a young boy, I knew that there was a spirit realm, and that there had to be a way to tap into it.

I GAVE MY LIFE TO SATAN…
My first contact with Satanism came in 1978 when a snowstorm took my hometown by surprise. I was a 17 year old high school senior, and was working in a local store during the storm. I was just beginning to wonder how I would get home that night, when the store's assistant manager, a young man of just 18, invited me to stay at his apartment, just a short walk away. This young man seemed to have everything that I had ever wanted. Prestige, power, he gave every indication that he was in control of his life and acted much older than his 18 years. That night, he told me the source of his strength. I was fascinated. He showed me the magic notions and occult objects, which he had accumulated. I was convinced. Later that night, we performed a ceremony, where I gave my life to Satan.

I WANTED TO BE FREE…
After I graduated from high school, my "teacher" and I moved away to attend college. The two of us attempted to begin our own satanic coven. Our coven was to consist of thirteen disciples but we were only able to recruit six, all of them males. The six of us shared a house, where we conducted what I call "freelance" satanic rituals, creating and improvising ceremonies freely. Coven activities included casting spells and desecrating Bibles and any other Christian articles that we could get our hands on. During this time I was in contact with demons on a regular basis, though not with Satan himself. Demons were powerful underlings, that were at my beckon call...or so I thought. Eventually the frightening and distasteful parts of Satanism overshadowed the thrilling parts. I began to worry about where the coven might be headed. I knew that I could not participate in the next step, blood sacrifice. I knew that this were the line that not even I would not cross. I wanted out.

JESUS MAKES MY LIFE COMPLETE…
I thought at the time, that the only thing left to do was to kill myself. To my dismay, I failed. I know now that only Divine intervention could have saved me from both the gun and the noose. After returning home, I tried to drink myself into oblivion, but found that the taste of beer turned my stomach. So instead, I lit a cigarette to calm my nerves, but it burned my lips! So finally, I, the Satanist priest in the making, went to my room, lay in my bed and began to cry. I will never in my life forget what happened next. It was late at night. The rest of the coven was out partying so the house was empty. Out of the silence I heard a voice from beside my bed that said "Get out!" I stopped crying and looked around the room expecting the presence of a demon. This was no demon. The voice moved to the foot of my bed and said again. "Get out!" I remember being so shaken at the command that I immediately obeyed. I crawled out of the nearest window in my bedroom and onto the driveway, into the presence of God. My knees went weak and I fell on my face, there was no mistaking who this was. Looking up at the sky I pleaded, "Jesus, just make my life okay."

REFUGE MINISTRIES…
I have come a long way from those days when I was trapped in Satanism. I still believe in a spiritual reality. I believe in both demons and angels, evil and good. I have simply traded darkness for light. The Lord Jesus Christ has helped me through complete recovery. I have been married now for 18 years. My wife Liz and I live in South Carolina, USA. With God's help I have earned a M.A. in Pastoral counseling and have launched Refuge Ministries. Together, we instruct others about the dangers of the Occult, New Age beliefs and other false teachings. We don't just work with former Satanists; I know how it feels to be a lonely and confused person, driven to despair. We are here for who ever the Lord would send.
My testimony does not represent LaVeyan or Traditional Satanism. I chose the parts that suited me and styled my own Satanism.

 

JEFF HARSHBARGER

Jani Stefanovic

From the valley of death to life

Jani Stefanovic (Divinefire, Eternium, Essence of Sorrow)

 

I grew up in a deeply religious family and I think I kept the faith I had with me from home far up into my teenage years. I started to play in my first band when I was 13 years old and when I was around 16 I started to play with some guys from the church I belonged to. Gradually problems arose, for at the same time as I was still frequently going to church I started to become more and more interested in what my nonsaved friends were doing.

In the end it was so bad that I could go right from a meeting to a party to get drunk. Finally I had turned my back to the church and here began my wandering far down into the valley of shadows.

 

A ROCKSTAR AT ANY PRICE

Music was everything in my life and I wanted to be famous as some of my friends had been. I wanted to do everything that they did, go away on long tours and just party and have fun. I was in different bands and to a degree I started to live this wonderful life. I wanted to become a rockstar at any price.

My mother always reminded me with even intervals by saying ”please, don’t give away the talent God has given you, don’t give it to the enemy” This made me just as angry every time although I knew deep inside that it was true, but I just continued my wandering. ”As long as you play to the Devil’s glory instead of God’s glory you will never be blessed, God gave you this talent to praise him.” These were straightforward and harsh words from my mother, words that made me bitter against her faith and God.

 

SOMETHING WAS MISSING

I had lived in Finland since 1993 but 2001 it was time to move back to Sweden. I soon found my next band, here things were really moving. I practised like a maniac and then it was time to go away on a long tour. Now finally I would be able to go out and live the rock star life full on.

After the tour and after playing in town after town and country after country I just felt completely empty when I came home. Why did it felt like I had just done something completely meaningless? I didn’t knew why, this was just the start of the wonderful life I had been striving for.

The tour was behind us, a new album and a new contract was on the way with one of the biggest companies in the world. Still there was something that was missing. I had once again a talk with my mom about this and I asked myself why I wasn’t happy and satisfied, this was just all that I ever had wanted to have. Then I once again got the same straightforward and harsh words ”this is not what God has planned for you, your gift is in the music but it isn’t meant to serve any other than God.”

 

GOD ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT IS BEST

For the first time in several years I thought that maybe it is like that, but I just couldn’t leave the band, since this was the best band I had ever been in. Not long after this the band split because the founder started to play with a worldknown band. Without band again, I started to think, what to do now? Some time passed, but more and more I felt that I maybe should start up a band with a christian message. No, I immediately thought, ”christian= no fat contract, no success” I fought against this all I could. I didn’t wanted to play in a wimpy christian band.

Today I play in three christian bands and I have never felt this good before. This is how good it can go when you follow the Lord’s will and not your own will. God always knows what is best for us. Concretely I really found out that without his grace and love we are nothing.

 

JESUS CHANGED MY LIFE

This wonderful change happened when I confessed my sins and wanted to start over with Jesus.

He changed my life. The old longing to be a rock star is now gone. Now I’m out playing metal to the glory of God and not to my own glory. My valley down through the valley of death took me around eight years and I thank God that he got hold of my life. There is no better than living a life together with God. I really want to encourage everyone to really prioritise their relationship with God, that relation is worth more than gold, trust me.

 

THE BIBLE IS MY INSPIRATION

The prayer and God’s Word (The Bible) are the real foundations of my christian life. Through prayer and The Word I get strength and guidance.

In the Bible the Revelation is definately an absolute favourite. It’s a little mystic and from it I have got much inspiration to lyrics. It’s a little metal over it. The Gospels and the Psalms are also good.

 

God’s blessing

Jani Stefanovic

(Divinefire, Eternium, Essence of Sorrow)

 

Herbie Langhans

The best that has happened to me!

 

I grow up in a Christian family and since I was a child I have been going to church. When I was a teenager I gave my Life to Jesus. Now I have been a Christian for more than 14 years and I must to say that it's the

best that has happened to me. Jesus helped me so many times in my life.

 

And often He showed me the ways I must go, and when I didn't know what to do He showed me. In our band history we were sometimes on that line that we didn't know what the plan with this band was. Should we go on or should we stop the band, but then there happened so many good things in our band that we thought that God didn't want us to stop the band. One of the best things in our band history is that through all the years there are several band members who have found the way to Jesus: our first drummer, one of our first guitarists, our bass player, our guitarist (Flo), they all found the way to Jesus. And that is one important thing in our history.

 

Now we have started with a band meeting (bible study for the band members with their wives) to grow also in our faith and not only in the music. We pray all the time before we start with our music practice, and also when we go on stage, we put everything in God's hands, and with his help we will go on the next 20 years. Because it's so wonderful when you see people which become Christians because they hear our music and listen to our lyrics. One day we will have a big party in heaven, and we will do our best with God's help to invite a lot of people to this party. I just want to say give your life to Jesus and then He will really: Rock your Life!

 

Herbie Langhans (Seventh Avenue)

Heli eng

Free from a life as a witch!

 

I was fully convinced that black magic, that we practised was a reality. But what kind of forces were there behind this spiritual world?

 

WAS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PECKING ORDER IN THE CLASS

Early in young years I came in contact with the occult, that in the end was about to destroy my whole life.

I was eight years old, when we moved from Finland to Sweden.To come to a foreign country, whose language you can’t speak and to start in school, when you don’t understand a word of what is being said is a difficult change for anyone. For me it was a complete disaster. I understand very well, the immigrants- & refugeechildren that have a hard time in many ways, when they can’t use the language in a, for themselves, satisfying way. Instead you use the body language, which sometimes can have sad consequences, fights for example.

Since I didn’t understood a single word of what my teacher or my classmates was saying, I was unsecure, shy and timid. After just a few days in the new school, I had become at the bottom of the pecking order in the class. This developed to real bullying. I was totally ignored by the girls and the guys pushed and hit me whenever they could. Why did everyone wanted to hurt me? Was it because I didn’t spoke the same language or was it something else that was wrong with me? I was filled with questions inboard.

 

PAIN IN MY STOMACH EVERY MORNING

No adult reacted to that I was ganged up on in class, which could depend on that they did not really saw how bad I was hurt. Back then the word bullying hardly existed, which is a big difference than how it is today, when bullying is lively discussed on different schools all over our country. Finally I had pain in my stomach every morning when it was time to go to school.

A unpleasant feeling of anguish filled me and the only thing I looked forward to was the evening, when I could creep down under the bedspread. Into the safety where no one could reach me. After some years of daily harassments, I was so filled with hate against my classmates that it just broke for me. I started to fight back.

After all I was biggest of all to the size, which was a big advantage. I was physically stronger than my tormentors. My two younger brothers helped me to read a lesson to all that had hit me. The bullying came to an end, but I never got any real friends in the class. Instead I started to hang with friends that were some years older than me.

 

”THE SPIRIT IN THE GLASS”

My mother was a christian, which meant that my growing up was imprinted by Sunday school and churchvisits. When I had come up to the age of thirteen, I decided to not have anything to do with mother’s God. Then I viewed Christianity as something boring, and filled with regulations. Everything that was funny was sin and you should have as boring as possible, I thought. The years of bullying had put their marks in my inner. I was broken inside, had low self-esteem and felt a great void inside me. Some older friends had started with ”the spirit in the glass”. It seemed exciting when they told me about the game. I decided to join them and test it. To be really sure that none of the others were bluffing, I asked exact questions with answers that only I could know. To my great surprise it worked. That glas that was being used, moved in its ”own” power from one letter to another and gave me the answers I was looking for. ”This was cool”, I thought. Maybe I had got hold of something that would give the existence the excitement and the meaning I was looking for.

 

SATANISM

Now began a time of more and more occult activities for my part. I devoured all occult litterature that I could get over, which wasn’t so much at that time. Today, most bookstores have a great amount of occult books of different kinds. Since I was wideopen for everything that was supernatural, I was like a magnet that was drawn to people that practised these things.

By a coincidence I met some older youngsters that were into satanism. Their ideology appealed to me: ”Do as you want, as long as it makes you feel well. If you yourself reach your own goals it doesn’t matter if you run over others. The strong will conquer the weak, that must be eliminated”, and so on. And ideology of total selfishness, where I could be strong and look down on other people. I didn’t had to feel inferior any more.

After a while it showed, that these youngsters not only had an ideology of selfishness, but also practised it in different ways. I was drawn into these, what I then thought, exciting activities.

 

I WAS DEDICATED TO BE A WITCH

For many years I had been ganged up on in class , but now I had the chance to take revenge on my tormentors by putting curses on them. Voodoo was an effective way to get revenge. I saw very obviously how these unseen curses hit the people that were being exposed to voodoo. At the same time as I was fascinated of a supernatural spiritworld, it felt a little spooky. I was totally convinced that black magic, which was practised was a reality.

But what kind of forces was it behind this spiritual world? It surely wasn’t mom’s God anyway. I was completely sure of that. After all there were a great deal of the Sunday school teachings that was stuck in the memory. I had heard about a God that is good and a devil that is evil. They were anti-pols to each other. Probably it was the devil, that according to the christians is evil, who was the power behind the magic we were practising. Gradually I got more and more insight into the spiritworld I had devoted myself to.

The day I was dedicated to be a witch, I renounced everything that had to do with christianity. I firmly believed that my life would be a success, that I should succeed in all I did. And the spiritworld should protect me, if I did what was pleasing to my master, Satan. But no matter how much I filled myself with occult activities, like astraltravels (experiences outside the body), there was still a nagging unrest inside me. The emptiness in my inner just became bigger for each day.

 

SEDATIVE DRUGS AND MORPHINE

Finally I started to use sedative drugs and morphine to get rid of the anguish that was growing inside me. Since drugs only can ease for the moment, it was no good solution. In the 20’s I got a child with my husband, who I had get married to a few years earlier. He was not at all initiated in satanism, but had problems with alcohol and drugs instead. The marriage broke up after some years, and I got the care of the son Mikael. Now I had a new mission, to raise Mikael to a good satanist right from the start. Just as christians see it as natural to teach their children about their religion, it was just as natural to me to teach my son the ideology that I believed in. But life didn’t really turned out as I expected.

Already from first class Michael had problems in school. He was aggressive against the teachers and against everyone that wanted to rule over him. Both I and my son felt worse and worse.

 

MORE AND MORE DEPRESSED

I wanted to break with satanism, because it made me more and more depressed. Life felt like a big darkness, that I couldn’t break out from. Was there anything or anyone that could help me? My thoughts started to go back to the God I had heard of in young years. Could he help me? Would he hear me if I prayed to him? I didn’t really knew if I dared to try, cause I believed that the dark forces were stronger than the God of Christianity.

Finally I picked up courage and did a try. ”If you hear me and if you can help me, then show it in some way”, I prayed. Immediately I got a strong thought ”Go to the Pentecostal church, now at the moment.”Never in my life, I thought. If God should speak to me, he should upon my word send an angel. But, what if it was God that gave me the thought. Then I couldn’t afford to miss it, I thought, and off I went. The service had already began when I came in, and the Pastor stood in the front behind the pulpit ready to start his preaching. I sat down on the back of the church.

Then something happened. The Pastor said that he just had received a message from God to someone in the congregation. What he said, corresponded exactly with my situation, in to the smallest detail. I understood that God had heard me and answered my prayer. He cared for me!

 

THE JESUS OF THE BIBLE

After this event things started to fall into place, just like a puzzle. I got in touch with christian people that helped me and Mikael to get away to a place where we got help with our problems. We stayed at a christian family, that helped us to find the way back to God.

After my decision to believe in the Jesus of the Bible, as God’s son and my personal saviour, I felt that the dark dissapeared and the light filled my inner. Life got meaning and substance. The emptiness that I had always felt was filled with the love of God.

 

REMARRIED WITH THE SAME MAN

Today I am remarried with Mikaels father, who also has had his life changed by God. Nowadays I talk about my life and warn for all kinds of occult. I speak on different places and for all agegroups.

One thing I know for sure: Jesus can change any situation no matter how hopeless it looks!

 

/Heli

Gabriela Sepulveda

 

I WAS SO TOUCHED BY GOD’S LOVE

Just as it happens to most people, my life had been quite an ordinary one, where God's things always fell into a second place. But one day my life changed. This happened during a musical performed at my neighbourhood's church. During the musical I was so touched by God’s love that I understood that He was a reality. In a matter of seconds, I could see the great lack of love my heart suffered, and that I could receive it from God, who in essence is love.

 

From the beginning, my relationship with Him was one of great friendship. The fact that I could have that special relationship with the One who had created the whole universe and everything that exists in it, moved me so much. Such a great God, creator of every single thing, and at the same time, so small that He can dwell in one's heart!!!

 

While this relationship went on growing and developing, God’s Word grew stronger within me. Every promise, every beatitude, began to be a part of me and I could experience that his Word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. A perfect guide that with its wisdom, can help us take the right decisions.

 

It wasn't long after I became a Christian, that I started to do my bit for the Kingdom. God gave me a talent (my voice) and I cannot let it die, so from the beginning I started to polish it, and on every occasion that I could, I used it. By the end of 1990 my husband and I started the band Boanerges, a band that influenced and still goes on influencing the lives of many young people through the particular style of Heavy Metal.

 

I have no doubt that, if this is the first time you hold a Bible in your hands, you are thinking,  that the things that happened to this woman, will not happen to me. I think exactly the same.  Definitely, the same things will not happen to you because God is too creative to plan two

identical lives. He has gotten a unique life designed especially for every one of us. I have no doubts that He will surprise you as He surprised me. Just make up your mind to follow Him and you will feel Him as real as the air you are breathing at this very moment and keep you alive.

 

Before saying goodbye, I want to say something to you, the words I repeat concert after concert: don't give in! There's much more ahead and much more to win when we go hand in hand with Jesus Christ.

 

Gabriela Sepúlveda Boanerges

 

Forword

The Metal Bible is a Bible for us that love Hardrock/Metal! A Bible we metalheads can feel at home with. In this Bible you can besides the New Testament also read about Nicko McBrain, Tommy Aldridge and other metalheads that have discovered that the Bible has something to say to us today.

When you read the Metal Bible you will find out much about this book’s main person, the radical, fearless, longhairy rebel that didn’t mince his words when he attacked the hypocrisy among the rulers. Typical for him was also that he cared extra much for people that had it tough and that others looked down on. This rebel Jesus Christ cared so much for us that he was even willing to be crucified on a cross in our place! He sacrificed his life for us. But death wasn’t the end, cause he rose again. Because of this everyone that believes in him can have their sins forgiven and have a personal relationship with God. This is the main message of the Bible.

The thought behind this special Bible is to design the Bible so it relates more to us that are into Hardrock/Metal. We hope that you will get much out of it and that the Metal Bibel will be helpful to you in your life. Maybe you will realize through this ”special Bible” that this book to the greatest extent is something also for us that love Hardrock/Metal.

ex-voto Mark Allen eng

A GOTH’S SPIRITUAL CONVERSION

 A testimonial by Mark Allen, former guitarist with Ex-Voto

 

DAD’S DEATH

Dad died when I was 12 years old. We were close and my Mom didn’t tell me he was dying, so it came as quite a shock when it happened. I didn’t cry, or have any outward signs of distress. But the impact of this event would shape my life over the course of the next 25 years.

I WAS WILLING TO GIVE UP MY SOUL FOR THIS

I started using drugs of all kinds about the age of 12. Beginning with pot and climbing the drug charts with a bullet all the way to the pinnacle, heroin. I was a bonafide hope to die junkie at the age of 25. I didn’t care about anybody or anything other than my music and my drugs. Girls were just something to use and get rid of. I was slamming heroin and practicing magic any chance I could get. I felt like I had power for the first time in my life, and that something big was going to happen. I was going to be a star! I thought that the devil would protect me and that he would give me the desires of my heart. I was even willing to give up my own soul for this. I had written a contract one night while intoxicated on heroin and cocaine. The contract read that for seven years of fame and fortune I would give my soul to Satan. I cut my hand and bled all over the page, did an incantation to seal the deal and hid the document on a safe place.

THE FIGURE MUST HAVE BEEN AT LEAST SEVEN FEET TALL 

One night, I was practicing black magic in my room when the silhouette of a figure started to materialize on my closet doors illuminated by the flickering candles on the floor. The shape must have been at least seven feet tall with wings. Yes, wings! I had been asking the dark powers to visit me that night, but I didn’t really expect it to happen, at least in a physical way. But it did. I got scared and ran out of my room and into the front yard completely frightened. What had I done? Would the figure be in my room when I went back? I wasn’t sure. Slowly I walked back down the hallway to my room. The scent of candles present and the flickering shadows visible on the wall. To my surprise, nothing was there to greet me. I blew out the candles and tried to sleep. My thoughts were filled with demons and death all night as I tossed and turned. I had given the devil a foothold that wouldn’t be broken for almost another decade.

 

MY MUSIC CAREER WAS OVER 

We were playing clubs, getting better and better, and more people were coming. Our manager ran the Krypt Klub in Los Angeles, which was the only real Gothic Club in town. As the band got more exposure and played bigger shows, my drug use got worse and worse. I would be doing heroin right before a show in the dressing room or bathroom. My drug use and temper caused a severe rift within the band. Just when we were about to go big time, I imploded.  The band fired me because I was too much trouble to deal with. Arguments, jail stints, drugs, etc. They canned me hard. I was devastated because they pretty much wiped away any trace of my history with them and my influence on their success. I soldiered on. Undaunted, my heroin addition progressing rapidly, my weight declining and my health tentative, I formed my own band, The Covenant. It was a great line up with a strong set of material that I had written and arranged. We were set to debut at The Blitz Club. I read about it in the papers. “Former Guitarist from Ex-Voto Debuts with his New Band”. Sounded exciting, but I never made it. I ended up slamming heroin in my car that night. My music career was over.

I BECAME HOMELESS

 The next several years found me either in jail or on the streets. I was staying in homeless shelters and sleeping anywhere I could stay warm and dry. I wandered about the streets of Santa Ana, my music career long gone. Just trying to survive day to day and keep the heroin flowing. Whenever you get a meal when you are homeless at a shelter or somewhere, you have to hear someone talk about God. It was something I had to deal with to get what I needed. So I put up with the Jesus stuff. This went on for several years with no change.

Then one night, something happened. I was standing in a crowd of about forty homeless people waiting for my food. The preacher was intense as he read from his bible. He caught my eye once and stopped his sermon dead in it’s tracks. He said to me “son, come up here for a minute”. So I did. He looked at me in the eyes and said “I believe that Jesus is going to deliver your from your heroin addiction tonight’. He asked me if I believed that Jesus could do this, and that He was the Son of God? I said “yes, I did”. I couldn’t believe I said that, because ever since my Dad died I had been a God hater.

My heart was changing and God was doing the change. I got down on my knees in the dirty streets of Santa Ana and made a confession of faith in Christ Jesus and accepted Him as my personal Lord and Saviour.

THE TIME AS A GOTH

 I still remember how lonely I felt in those days within the Goth scene. I had never had more people around me, and yet felt so alone. I thought I fit in that scene, but just like every other scene before it, I never really fit. I just fooled myself into thinking that I did. The reality is that until you are ok with yourself and with God, you can’t fit anywhere. Only through Jesus taking this lonely, lost, hurting and broken soul, cleaning me up and setting me in another direction did I finally find out who I was, where I had been and where I was going.

IT IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH!

There really is a plan for you that is bigger than you could imagine. Don’t let the devil sell you a bill of goods that is just a cheap imitation of the original. The bible says that the devil’s plan is to steal, kill and destroy. I sure allowed him to do a pretty good number on my life up until I accepted Christ. If he has stolen from you, and destroyed things and relationships in your life, he hasn’t finished with you. He intends on killing you and will not be satisfied until this is accomplished. Be aware, there is a spiritual battle for your soul. Use wisdom and choose rightly whom you will serve. It is a matter of life and death! Choose life, choose Jesus!

 God Bless! /Mark

Christian Rivel eng

Christian Rivel is the vocalist of the bands Narnia, Audiovision, Modest Attraction, Divinefire & Flagship and he is also running Rivel Records, Sweden.

 

When I was 14 years old I got my personal meeting with Jesus. Ever since then it has imprinted my life. To be a Christian is not something you are just on Sundays but it’s a lifestyle and a journey that is the most exciting you can ever experience.

Many times I have been mocked because I’m a Christian, but what I experienced and still experience when God’s spirit became alive in me, I never want to trade away. In a fallen world with much violence and death I want to spread a message that lives and gives life in eternity. My call as singer and rock evangelist has given me so much that I want to share with others.

My relation with Jesus and God’s word give me a stability in the existence that nothing else can give. Of course life is not always easy but together with Jesus it’s easier to overcome the tough times. The Bible has so much rich to give in so many different levels of our lives. Although I have read some bible verses many times there still is a new light over them every time I read them and this deepens my relation with God. I hope that you through this Bible will get many exciting experiences that will give you courage to live in this world. It’s a fantastic book with a message that always stands no matter what you face.

I wish you all good in life. Take the opportunity to get to know Jesus. He, himself is the way, the truth and the life!!!

 

One of my favourite bible quotes is Psalm 23:1-3: ”The Lord is my shephard, I shall not be in want. He makes me lay down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of rightousness for his name’s sake.”

Christian Metal Links

CHRISTIAN METAL LINKS

 

 

GOOD STARTSITE WITH LOTS OF LINKS AND INFO
www.metalforjesus.org (METAL FOR JESUS)


BANDS
Ta bort www.renascent.net (RENASCENT) och sätt istället in www.essenceofsorrow.com (ESSENCE OF SORROW)

I övrigt samma länkar och band som förut.


METAL SHOPS
www.blastbeats.com (BLASTBEATS, USA)
www.nordicmission.net (NORDIC MISSION, NORWAY)
www.metalcommunity.se (METAL COMMUNITY, SWEDEN)
www.maanalainenlevykauppa.com (MAANALAINEN LEVYKAUPPA,FINLAND)
www.stephans-buchhandlung.de (STEPHANS-BUCHHANDLUNG, GERMANY)
www.soundmass.com (SOUNDMASS, AUSTRALIA)


RECORD COMPANIES
www.rivelrecords.com (RIVEL RECORDS)
www.endtimeproductions.com (ENDTIME PRODUCTIONS)
www.retroactiverecords.cjb.net/ (RETROACTIVE RECORDS)
www.mcm-music.de/ (MCM MUSIC)


METAL MAGAZINES
www.hmmag.com/heavensmetal (HEAVEN'S METAL)
www.noizegatemusic.com (NOIZEGATE MUSIC)


METAL FESTIVALS
www.nordicfest.no (NORDICFEST)
www.resurrection.se (RESURRECTION)
www.revolutionmetalfest.com (REVOLUTION METAL FEST)


MISCELLANEOUS
www.geocities.com/alcance_subterraneo (UNDERGROUND CHURCH)
www.sanctuaryinternational.com (SANCTUARY INTERNATIONAL)
www.zadoque.com.br (ZADOQUE)

Charles Evans Confessions

Charles Evans

Teenage Satanist

 

HOW HAD I COME TO THIS PLACE?

I stared into the flickering black candle that sat in the midst of the skull
and black-handled knives on my homemade altar to Satan. Reciting the
incantation, I tried to ignore my nagging thoughts. I was still young ---
just a teenager. How had I come to this place? I felt like I was sliding
headfirst into hell.

REVOLTING AGAINST CHURCH
As I grew up my family attended church each Sunday. We prayed before
meals, and had the standard “20 pound family Bible” on the coffee table. I
always knew about "God." But during the boring Sunday church services I wondered, "Is this all there is to knowing God? How could I get closer to Him?" With these feelings, I soon rebelled against church and simply stopped going.

HEAVY METAL
In junior high school being part of the crowd meant being a devoted fan of
rock and roll music. A neighbour introduced me to heavy metal rock, and I
instantly liked it. Soon a single rock album grew into a large collection of
rock albums. I had to listen to my music constantly. I skipped school so I
could have it all day. I bought an electric guitar and tried to form my own
rock band so I could be like my rock heroes.

WITCHCRAFT, VOODOO, SATANISM

Then I noticed that all my favourite performers promoted occult or Satanic
practices in their songs. This frightened me, but the music was
stronger than my dislike of black magic. I wondered if this "god" of the
rock bands was what I had been searching for! I wasted no time finding out.
Soon I had a personal library on the black arts and a huge "circle of salt"
on the basement floor at home. I bought albums only if they talked about
witchcraft, voodoo, or Satanism. I wrote an upside-down cross outside my
black tee shirt, which proudly proclaimed, "Satan lives!"

Finally, I easily began leading others into the worship of Satan. Teenagers
would beg to join my "coven." As you can see, I was actively involved in my religion rather than simply sitting in a church pew for one or two hours each Sunday. My dread and despair seemed to grow more suffocating each day. Instead of finding the pathway to God, I was sliding headfirst into the depths of hell.

A CHRISTIAN PATIENT
About this time my dad had some routine surgery. In his hospital room was
a Christian patient who eagerly talked about the forgiveness of sin Jesus
Christ offers by trusting Him as personal Saviour. Although my dad had gone
to church for years, this roommate had something he didn't have. Soon my
father trusted Christ as his Saviour and became a child of God.
But there was a child of Satan back home! Picture this: Downstairs is a teenage Satanist son with a huge hexagram on the floor, an altar to Satan nearby, and rock and roll music constantly blasting from the stereo; Upstairs is a new Christian father who suddenly understands what is taking place in his home! It wasn't pretty.

HIS PRAYERS FOR ME

I could yell as loudly as my dad when we argued, but there was one thing I
couldn't fight -- his prayers for me, along with the prayers of all his new
Christian friends. After weeks of increasing despair, one day I confessed to my best friend -- who studied the occult with me -- that I wanted out of Satanism. He reminded me: Don't even think of leaving, or else... But soon he admitted that he
felt just as bad. We were helplessly trapped.

TO A SURE DEATH
That evening we drove to the Niagara River to end our lives. In a few
minutes the swift currents would plunge us over the Niagara Falls to a sure
death -- and eternity in hell. Obviously we didn't do it, and all I know is
that when I got home to my bedroom, I knelt beside the bed and poured out my
heart to God.

FORGIVE ME
"Dear Lord," I said, " I'm not sure You even exist. And even if You do
exist, I'm not sure You can help me. And even if You can help me, I'm not
too sure that You will. But whatever happens from this point on, I want You
to know that I am giving my life completely to You. Please forgive me for
all that I have done wrong, and help me to love the way You love. Amen"

I expected Satan to kill me that night for deserting him. But I slept like
a baby, and the next morning I woke up a new person! Jesus Christ filled my
heart with a joy so strong that even Satan couldn't take it away! I can't
honestly say everything improved immediately, but that night God freed me
from Satan and changed my life forever.

I EXPECTED SATAN TO KILL ME

I expected Satan to kill me that night, because I had abandoned him. But instead I slept like a child and the next morning I woke up as a new person! Jesus Christ filled my heart with a joy so strong that not even Satan could take it from me! I can’t say that everything changed in a moment, but that night God delivered me from Satan and changed my life forever.

JESUS CONQUERED DEATH
You may not have rebelled as much as I did, but you still need Jesus! Your sin keeps you from God just as much as my sin kept me from
Him. Jesus Christ is a real person --God in flesh -- who died for all our
sins and then rose from the grave three days later. Jesus defeated the death! Only He can offer forgiveness and eternal life to those who will trust in Him.

 

ETERNAL LIFE
A bible verse I had known from childhood explains why Jesus died for us:
"God so loved the world [you and me] that He gave His one and only Son, That
whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
Jesus also said, "Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life. But whoever
rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him" John 3:36

 

YOU HAVE A CHOICE TO MAKE!
You have a choice to make, my friend, just like I did --trust Jesus and
follow Him to heaven, or do nothing and face eternity in hell. No matter
what your sin, if He can save a teenage devil worshipper like me, He can
save you too. Trust in Jesus today!

God Bless You!
/ Charles Evans