Lasse Niskala

A NEW LIFE

One morning I woke up with the following words in my mind: "I

can´t carry on anymore, God. Are you there?  I want a new life."

 

STARTED TO MISUSE ALCOHOL AND TO PARTY

I came from a Christian home as both of my parents were believers and I had

grown up around the church all my life. When I turned 14 I decided to make

a personal commitment to Christ and during that summer I was baptized.

 

I was timid to show my faith in school and around my classmates but

nonetheless everything went fine and I didn’t run into any hassles until I

began vocational school. During this time I never confessed my faith in

Christ and in the process I wound up trying to fit in with my peers,

drinking and partying, up until graduation. After the graduation I repented and got

back to live for God again. We had a solid youth group in our church and everyone was into heavy

Christian rock. We were labelled the "heavy gang" due to our appearance.

In a sense we were pioneers and we got noticed. Even though a lot of older

believers looked down on us for our musical inclinations there were some

that understood where we were coming from. I fell in love with a girl from our "heavy gang" and we got married after

dating for a couple of years. Two years into marriage my wife decided to go

study in another area of the country and soon thereafter I moved too. Then out of

the blue to my complete and utter surprise, my wife informed me that she

wanted some space of her own and sought out a separation as on the side she

was having extra-marital affairs. She was hell-bent on doing her own thing

and so we were divorced, even though I would’ve wanted to work things out.

I drowned my sorrows in the mass amount of work that I had at the time and

during this time I was fortunate to have a few good friends who stuck by me

through it all. I had been practicing nature photography as a hobby and I

had invested a lot of money into this hobby. I was finally offered the

advertising photographer position at my workplace and so it became my bread

and butter, so to speak.

 

I SLEPT IN A SLEEPING BAG IN MY OFFICE

After few years however I found myself swamped with deadlines and workloads

which ultimately wore me out. There were times that I slept in a sleeping

bag on the floor of my office only to catch a couple of hours of shut-eye

before picking up where I had left off. I began hoping I’d get sick so I

could be afforded a period of rest from the grind of it all. I became so

desperate that I purposely tried to incapacitate myself on a few occasions

in order to justify a leave of absence. All of my hopes and attempts proved

futile however and I was left to face the same old, hopeless situation day

in and day out. Finally I began to suffer from poor memory and

overexhaustion and everything became a haze, which negatively affected my

job. After contacting a doctor I was written up for psychiatric care and 6

months sick leave in addition.

 

 

STARTED TO HAVE SUICIDE THOUGHTS

I became suicidally depressed during this time due to my situation and I

tried overdosing on my medication several times over this period without

success. After ingesting a stash of downers that I had been saving up one

of my friends rushed me to the emergency ward at the local hospital only to

have them flush my system of the drugs. I was consequently locked down in

the crisis ward of the hospital for 2 months until I made an escape

unbeknowst to others. I had determined to commit suicide that day and I

drove out to the countryside to carry out the deed. I duct taped the

windows of my car and led a hose into the closed compartment from the car’s

tailpipe which should have proved a sure-fire trick to put me away. I

floored the gas for a long time and to my dismay nothing happened, after

which I returned to the hospital a total wreck, having lost the will to

live.

After being released from the hospital I tried increasingly desperate

attempts at overdosing with various medications, figuring that it would be

the most painless way to go. During these times of attempted suicide I later

found out that my mother had been praying for me in earnest to regain my will

to live at those very moments along with her Christian sisters, my aunts.

 

I SURVIVED A CAR CRASH

After seeing my sister one night I tried to kill myself in a head-on

collision with a wall in which I totalled my car and miraculously survived

with only my head’s imprint in the shattered windshield to my credit.

Someone called an ambulance and I woke up with scars, bruises and damaged

knees but I still hadn’t managed to end up dead. That was the first time

that it occurred to me that there had to be a purpose to my life after all.

I had started dating the girl who drove me around while my knees

were mashed up from my collision. However, I was too depressed to invest in

the relationship and care. Nonetheless the doctors determined that getting

back in the job life would be good for me and so I ended up working in the

warehouse of the same company that I had been an advertising photographer

for. One night when my girlfriend was out I ground up 200 pills

of medication and dissolved them in some juice. I wrote a farewell note,

drank down the powdered juice and laid down for a bit. All I remember

before falling unconscious was a very scary black shape standing next to me.

 

STARTED PSYCHOTERAPEUTIC TREATMENT

I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks after which I decided to begin

psychotherapy. My girlfriend and I broke up and I ended up living by myself

once again. I met a couple of good Christian friends with whom I talked

about spiritual issues, having become disillusioned with my self-destructive

thoughts. One morning I woke up with the following words in my mind: "I

can´t carry on anymore, God. Are you there? I want a new life."

These were the lyrics from one of Finland´s top Christian metal music

artists Terapia and they painted a perfect picture of where I was at. As I

prayed it felt as though I was talking to the walls because I felt nothing

and it had been along time since I had communicated with God. I found the

will to live and seek out God however and during this time I was introduced

to The Christian Underground (TCU), an organization that catered to the rock

and roll crowd and those who had fallen by the wayside. I attended a TCU

summer retreat during which I met Päivi Niemi and Antti from Terapia along

with a host of others, some who became friends. An older missionary prayed

for me in English during the last meeting of the evening at that summer camp

and after that night I felt that the load which I had been carrying all of

that time had been lifted off of my shoulders.

 

I HAD BEEN SEARCHING FOR GOD

As I drove home the next day I marvelled at how I hadn’t felt so good in

ages. Everything around me seemed beautiful and clear. I had been

searching for God for about a year at that point and it was then that I felt

that I had found Him again. I had read the Scripture that said "Seek ye

first the Kingdom of God and thus all these things shall be added unto you". (Matthew 6:33)

I had done just that.

My two-year psychotherapy period was nearing its end and my therapist

received the news of me finding God very well. All of my old pain had

dissipated and I felt free. I had been staying in touch with Päivi Niemi

and we found that we had a lot in common and we got along well together.

When Päivi had her summer vacation I went to see her during which we fell in

love and started dating. This was the last drop of healing elixir that

cleansed the final remnants of the past from my soul and I was truly happy.

Päivi and I were married after which I bought a Christian record retail

business from a mutual friend, allowing me to quit my job at the time to

focus on my new business, which I was truly excited about, since I now

specialized in Christian heavy music which I knew a good deal about. So in

addition to finding God, I found a great wife, a good business and

everything else that I needed.

One night as my wife and I were discussing our past lives, Päivi mentioned

that a certain Scripture came to her mind. It was the same verse that the

missionary fellow who prayed for me at that TCU summer camp had mentioned as

he prayed over me in English that particular night,

 

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it

springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and

streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:18-19)

 

That exact Scripture has come to fruition in my life. Everything is

possible with God.

 

Lasse Niskala