A GOTH’S SPIRITUAL CONVERSION
A testimonial by Mark Allen, former guitarist with Ex-Voto
DAD’S DEATH
Dad died when I was 12 years old. We were close and my Mom didn’t tell me he was dying, so it came as quite a shock when it happened. I didn’t cry, or have any outward signs of distress. But the impact of this event would shape my life over the course of the next 25 years.
I WAS WILLING TO GIVE UP MY SOUL FOR THIS
I started using drugs of all kinds about the age of 12. Beginning with pot and climbing the drug charts with a bullet all the way to the pinnacle, heroin. I was a bonafide hope to die junkie at the age of 25. I didn’t care about anybody or anything other than my music and my drugs. Girls were just something to use and get rid of. I was slamming heroin and practicing magic any chance I could get. I felt like I had power for the first time in my life, and that something big was going to happen. I was going to be a star! I thought that the devil would protect me and that he would give me the desires of my heart. I was even willing to give up my own soul for this. I had written a contract one night while intoxicated on heroin and cocaine. The contract read that for seven years of fame and fortune I would give my soul to Satan. I cut my hand and bled all over the page, did an incantation to seal the deal and hid the document on a safe place.
THE FIGURE MUST HAVE BEEN AT LEAST SEVEN FEET TALL
One night, I was practicing black magic in my room when the silhouette of a figure started to materialize on my closet doors illuminated by the flickering candles on the floor. The shape must have been at least seven feet tall with wings. Yes, wings! I had been asking the dark powers to visit me that night, but I didn’t really expect it to happen, at least in a physical way. But it did. I got scared and ran out of my room and into the front yard completely frightened. What had I done? Would the figure be in my room when I went back? I wasn’t sure. Slowly I walked back down the hallway to my room. The scent of candles present and the flickering shadows visible on the wall. To my surprise, nothing was there to greet me. I blew out the candles and tried to sleep. My thoughts were filled with demons and death all night as I tossed and turned. I had given the devil a foothold that wouldn’t be broken for almost another decade.
MY MUSIC CAREER WAS OVER
We were playing clubs, getting better and better, and more people were coming. Our manager ran the Krypt Klub in Los Angeles, which was the only real Gothic Club in town. As the band got more exposure and played bigger shows, my drug use got worse and worse. I would be doing heroin right before a show in the dressing room or bathroom. My drug use and temper caused a severe rift within the band. Just when we were about to go big time, I imploded. The band fired me because I was too much trouble to deal with. Arguments, jail stints, drugs, etc. They canned me hard. I was devastated because they pretty much wiped away any trace of my history with them and my influence on their success. I soldiered on. Undaunted, my heroin addition progressing rapidly, my weight declining and my health tentative, I formed my own band, The Covenant. It was a great line up with a strong set of material that I had written and arranged. We were set to debut at The Blitz Club. I read about it in the papers. “Former Guitarist from Ex-Voto Debuts with his New Band”. Sounded exciting, but I never made it. I ended up slamming heroin in my car that night. My music career was over.
I BECAME HOMELESS
The next several years found me either in jail or on the streets. I was staying in homeless shelters and sleeping anywhere I could stay warm and dry. I wandered about the streets of Santa Ana, my music career long gone. Just trying to survive day to day and keep the heroin flowing. Whenever you get a meal when you are homeless at a shelter or somewhere, you have to hear someone talk about God. It was something I had to deal with to get what I needed. So I put up with the Jesus stuff. This went on for several years with no change.
Then one night, something happened. I was standing in a crowd of about forty homeless people waiting for my food. The preacher was intense as he read from his bible. He caught my eye once and stopped his sermon dead in it’s tracks. He said to me “son, come up here for a minute”. So I did. He looked at me in the eyes and said “I believe that Jesus is going to deliver your from your heroin addiction tonight’. He asked me if I believed that Jesus could do this, and that He was the Son of God? I said “yes, I did”. I couldn’t believe I said that, because ever since my Dad died I had been a God hater.
My heart was changing and God was doing the change. I got down on my knees in the dirty streets of Santa Ana and made a confession of faith in Christ Jesus and accepted Him as my personal Lord and Saviour.
THE TIME AS A GOTH
I still remember how lonely I felt in those days within the Goth scene. I had never had more people around me, and yet felt so alone. I thought I fit in that scene, but just like every other scene before it, I never really fit. I just fooled myself into thinking that I did. The reality is that until you are ok with yourself and with God, you can’t fit anywhere. Only through Jesus taking this lonely, lost, hurting and broken soul, cleaning me up and setting me in another direction did I finally find out who I was, where I had been and where I was going.
IT IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH!
There really is a plan for you that is bigger than you could imagine. Don’t let the devil sell you a bill of goods that is just a cheap imitation of the original. The bible says that the devil’s plan is to steal, kill and destroy. I sure allowed him to do a pretty good number on my life up until I accepted Christ. If he has stolen from you, and destroyed things and relationships in your life, he hasn’t finished with you. He intends on killing you and will not be satisfied until this is accomplished. Be aware, there is a spiritual battle for your soul. Use wisdom and choose rightly whom you will serve. It is a matter of life and death! Choose life, choose Jesus!
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